Though a straight line appears to be the shortest distance between 2 points, life has a way of confounding geography. Often it is the dalliances and the detours that define us. There are no maps to guide our most important searches; we must rely on hope, chance, intuition and a willingness to be surprised.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Address To A Hammock


Fair fa’ a hammock’s flippin’ ace,
A canny slacker’s favourite restin’ place,
A’boon them a’ ah climb an’ tak ma place,
Well oot o’ reach o’ clatty dugs an’ mingin’ roaches,
Then lose the suntan lotion fir ma face,
An’ wake in ‘oors tae find ma coupon toast is.

On Caulker Caye, go slow’s da Creole way,
An’ hammock sittin’ lasts a’ flippin’ day,
Jah man! In gettin’ here ah think ah may,
Have used up a’ ma luck,
So nae mair dodgy verse, instead ah’ll say
Gie us a hammock!

With sincere apologies to the original…


Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face
Great chieftain o the puddin'-race!
Aboon them a' ye tak your place
Painch, tripe, or thairm
Weel are ye wordy of a grace
As lang's my arm.

Ye Pow'rs, wha mak mankind your care
And dish them out their bill o fare
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer
Gie her a Haggis!

2 comments:

Generation West-Berlin said...

Do I actually need to comment on everything?? This could otherwise develop in some kind of obsession, ...like yours with hammocks. Obsessions are difficult to control. Well, I actually like the style of these particular ones - the wood should give it some stability - but what I'm really interested in, what is going on in these places of rest? Was this photo taken in the morning?
I could go on about my experience when I actually addressed the Haggis but I suppose it is not half as interesting as your 'Hammock experience'!

Calum said...

wb - after your critical comments about the gaps in my narrative, I am perturbed to find that you are now dangling carrots before us, without giving us the juice (and given my current employment, I must point out that carrot juice is very good for vision).
What happened when you addressed the Haggis? Where did this take place? Was this a friendly address or had the Haggis asked to see your boarding pass?
Questions, to which i think we need answers...